This past weekend I turned 21, oh my goodness I honestly can’t believe it!
Truthfully turning 21 had quite a daunting feeling thanks to the eating disorder. Eating Disorders always have their way of ruining things and altering our thoughts. When I thought about turning 21 my eating disorder perked up and decided to rub in my face that 21 was the age I was supposed to graduate from the art school I used to attend in London, which made me really down. At 17 I thought everything would be perfect at 21, I imagined myself living in London, having a job in graphic design, basically having everything I ever dreamed of and more. But now I sit here in Houston, at my desk at my receptionist job typing these words up after finishing up some assignments for my online degree course and dreading having to sit through another hour-long therapy session after work… so it’s not exactly the perfect life than 17-year-old me had planned out.
I can finally say I accept that, these past 4 years have been hard as hell, but I haven’t “missed out” or “ruined my life” like the eating disorder wants me to believe. Looking back, I would have loved to never have suffered with Anorexia, but I did, it is an illness and it has and sometimes still does affect me. I couldn’t have prevented the illness like no one can prevent the flu, it happened, it’s a serious mental illness that effects tons of people throughout the world. I couldn’t have prevented it, and I can’t change the past, but now I’m moving forward. Recovery is the life I’m living, and it feels great, I have an amazing boyfriend, I’m traveling, I AM ALIVE!
These past 4 years haven’t produced a university degree or a London lifestyle, but these past four years have produced something way better than that, a strong self loving woman who fought for her life and freedom back, a woman who knows that as many times as life might beat her down she will continue to rise. And that is something to be proud of, that is something I am proud of. So, hello 21, and hello my fabulous future.
Going back to this past weekend I celebrated with my parents, my boyfriend Lundan, and my best friend Gabbie. We all went shopping and then out to dinner at a lovely restaurant called Benji’s where I had my first legal drink called “The H-Town Princess”! Afterword’s we had chocolate cake and celebrated and chatted. I couldn’t have thought of a better way to spend my birthday then with the people I love, and chocolate cake of course!