Sorry.

Countless times I’ve apologized to people, and sometimes even begged for their forgiveness, all because I have an Eating Disorder. I apologize for my moods, my struggles, my anxiety, my meltdowns, all because I think its my fault. My Mind tells me how everyone else is normal and i’m the crazy one for not being able to do a normal human function, Eat. It tells me I’m insane for arguing with loved ones, for crying over meals and snacks, but that “Basic” task of eating feels foreign to me. Ive lived in a world where my mind convinced me restriction was good/right for so long that now I feel as though I have forgotten how to eat and listen to my body.

People get frustrated at me for not knowing what I want to eat or for crying over what I ate, and Im no longer going to apologize. I want to be able to know what I crave and intuativly eat just as much as you “just wish I would”, but it doesn’t just happen for me overnight, I’m in recovery and I’m still learning this skill.

Im not sorry anymore, I didn’t want to struggle with an Eating Disorder, I didn’t ask for it. So instead of expecting me to apologize, to beg you for forgiveness, please just hug me close, make me feel loved and appreciated, please don’t shame me anymore for my struggles. Same goes to anyone with any illness, society wouldn’t expect someone with a life threatening illness such as heart failure, or cancer to apologize for their struggles, they would be praised for their courage and strength in recovery (as of course they should be). Mental illnesses are just as life threatening, so lets change the stigma surrounding them, and praise those fighting mental illness for their resilience, and no longer bring them shame making them apologetic.

Every illness no matter what it may be , is hard on a person. So lets all band together and lift each other out of the darkness of shame and into the light of hope, because we all deserve support in our recovery.

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