**CONTAINS TRIGGERING INFORMATION, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU THINK YOU WILL BE TRIGGERED**
Im in recovery, I have been for the passed two years, and its incredibly hard having to battle and fight my eating disorder ever single day, 24/7. Its constant voice telling me “Im not good enough”, “I need to eat less”, “Im fat”, “Im ugly”, “Im worthless”, and those are just a few of the horrible things it tells me. Each day I stand up to these thoughts the negativity the Eating Disorder makes me feel, and I rebel against the evil of it. Its hard and challenging and sometimes it feels impossible, and to make my recovery even harder we live in a shallow world where society is focused around diets, “health”, and the desire to be thin. And that leaves me with the question, “How on Earth can I fully recover from my Eating Disorder when almost everything around me is supporting my Eating Disorder?!”
Magazines, Posters, Billboards, TV and Radio commercials all focused on how to loose weight, burn fat, or tone up to be a “better you”, I see and hear these all the time. When going to eat out at a restaurant there are “Light”, “Skinny”, “Fat Free”, or “Smarter” options designed to make the consumer feel better for choosing the lowest calorific contents.
Why is this a goal?
Why is this congratulated?
When I was away at University my Eating Disorder thrived, I attended an art and design school in London and was far away from my family. In this environment my eating disorder grew and grew and grew and completely consumed me. I listened to its every word, I believed it, I chased its never ending goal. It took a hard mental and physical toll on me, I was fading away, on the verge of death.
While all this was happening I felt congratulated by others around me. I was asked time and time again, “How do you stay so thin?”, “what do you do?”, one time someone even grabbed my waist and said “You are so thin, I wish I was as thin as you.”, I was on the edge of deaths door, and was praised for it.
Recovery has given me such a deeper, more meaningful outlook on life, and looking back to those moments it shows me how wrong and messed up society is making people. I’m still in the process of learning to fully love myself, and I will do so even in a screwed up society. So when I doubt myself and my recovery, when I think whats the point of changing my ways, when I asked myself ” How on Earth can I recover when almost everything around me is supporting my Eating Disorder?!” I will respond with, because society is just as messed up as my Eating Disorder, and if I want society to change its ways, I have got to start with me. I’m stepping up and I’m promoting self love NOT self hate. So STOP with the diet talk, the weight loss pills/shakes, the thinspiration/fitspiration goals, JUST STOP, AND START LOVING YOURSELVES PLEASE!!
Mahatma Gandhi said “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” So I’m starting with me , I’m changing my ways, and I’m going to be the change I wish to see in the World.